When Your Heart's Not In The Relationship

It is hard to put ourselves out there, to unlock the armor surrounding our hearts and make ourselves vulnerable to another. 

Marriage, friendship, parenthood--no matter the relationship, each involves tearing down protective walls we so carefully construct, many whose brick and mortar we have painstakingly laid by hand after some past hurt or betrayal.

I've been there numerous times, closed tight as a newly formed rose bud, separated from all others around me as I promised myself I would simply live at a distance from everyone and anyone in order to never be hurt like that again.

But time and time again, I have felt others' kindness and offers of love and friendship carefully soften the petals of the heart until my heart is in full bloom of a healthy relationship, once again vulnerable as I extend part of me beyond the safe walls of myself.  

It's a cycle of separation and safety followed by the terror and joy of entering into relationship again only to find myself back at the beginning all too quickly.  

Keeping people at arm's length is a safe existence.  But it's also quite lonely.

What's more, it is not what God intended, especially when it comes to our relationship with Him. 

The prophet Isaiah cautions the people of Israel concerning this type of cold relationship towards God, warning of pending judgment "Because this people draw near with their words And honor Me with their lip service, But they remove their hearts far from Me, And their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote" (Is. 29:13).

The Israelites had religion.  They had their sacrifices, offerings, feasts, and prayers down pat.  But there were two problems.

One, their hearts weren't in their worship, and secondly, their worship was "tradition learned by rote."  Neither was a true relationship with the One whom they served with their lips and hands.

To begin with, a real relationship with God must involve our hearts.  At one point in our lives, we've all probably said something like, "My heart just wasn't in it."  In other words, we did whatever it was, but we didn't want to and likely didn't do it to the best of our ability. It was just a task to check off our lists.

On the contrary, a relationship that pleases God is one where our heart is fully in it.  He can't just be another thing to check off our list each day.

A heart-involved relationship requires us to be honest with God, to tell Him when we're upset over the path He's asked us to walk (it's not like He doesn't know anyway!) versus simply praying words we think He wants to hear but that we don't really feel inside. Such transparency fosters trust as real truth is spoken instead of platitudes.

Next to honesty, it also requires us to share every part of our lives with Him.  That means we can't relegate Him to certain times of the day, certain activities, or particular days of the week.  We must seek to worship Him when doing the mundane tasks like washing clothes, listen for that still small voice when weeding the flower bed or mowing the lawn, and look for His fingerprints when stuck in traffic or at the doctor's office.  It's a 24-7-365 relationship.

Secondly, a real relationship can't be mere tradition.  As Isaiah said, it can't be a routine.  Instead, we must seek to make our hearts tender to the Spirit's prompting over our sin so that we can repent quickly and be reconciled with God. 

As the Psalmist writes, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise" (Ps. 51:17). This is what God wants from us.

At times, we may feel hurt or betrayed by what God has allowed to happen to us. Yet, while our flesh may tell us to protect our hearts from Him by merely giving lip service to that relationship, it is in these moments that we most need Him fully in our lives.  

Unlike those around us, He is the only one we can trust with our whole heart. He will never leave us nor forsake us...and that's a promise He sealed with the blood of His only Son. 

Yes, I Have a List for That!!

At any given time, my desk is littered with a dozen or more slips of paper filled with tiny, cramped writing--all different lists to help me organize my chaotic life. 

Taped to the monitor are lists for those books I want to read, movies to rent for date night with the husband, and publication dates to remind me when my favorite authors' newest books will be available.  Beneath my keyboard & on the wall cork-board are the lists of potential Christmas/birthday gifts for my family, party ideas for the kids' annual festivals, ideas for blog articles, and songs I might sing in worship one day.  Then, front and center are the typical long-range and weekly "to do" weekly lists.

Yes, there's simply something satisfying about drawing a line through a completed task, even if it's something as mundane as 'write letter to brother.'

The problem comes in those areas of my life that aren't conducive to list-making...or that shouldn't be reduced to a mere checklist to be crossed off. 

One such area is my relationship with God.

In Isaiah, the Lord criticizes the nation of Israel for completing their checklist of what they were outwardly supposed to do.

In Leviticus, God had instructed Israel in the offering of sacrifices to Him.  He had also commanded  a series of holy feasts and festivals (Lev. 23). 

Yet, here in Isaiah, God says, "'What are your multiplied sacrifices to Me?' Says the LORD.  'I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams and the fat of fed cattle; And I take no pleasure in the blood of bulls, lambs or goats.  When you come to appear before Me, Who requires of you this trampling of My courts? Bring your worthless offerings no longer, Incense is an abomination to Me.  New moon and sabbath, the calling of assemblies--I cannot endure iniquity and the solemn assembly.  I hate your new moon festivals and your appointed feasts, They have become a burden to Me; I am weary of bearing them.  So when you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; Yes, even though you multiply prayers, I will not listen'" (Is. 1:11-15).

In the four verses above, we see the children of Israel (1) making sacrifices to the Lord, (2) going to the temple, (3) tithing, (4) celebrating the appointed feasts, and (4) praying to the Lord.

These were all actions God's child was supposed to do and yet God was condemning them for the very things He commanded.  The modern-day question we must then ask is 'Does that mean we can be attending church each Sunday, spending time in prayer every day, and even tithing but still not be pleasing to the Lord in our obedience?'

The answer is yes.  It all has to do with our hearts. 

All the above actions in Isaiah were done out of rote obedience.  Over time, the people's repeated obedience had turned into a cold religiosity that did not impact their hearts, which, in turn, did not impact their daily behavior.

In the very next verses, the Lord says, "Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Remove the evil of your deeds from My sight. Cease to do evil, Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow" (v. 16-17).

Although this people had completed their religious checklist, their daily behavior included ruthlessness, unjust treatment of others, and turning a blind eye to the orphan and widow.  This treatment of others showed more about their relationship with God than did their religious actions.

In the New Testament, James warns against this dead religiosity: "If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,' and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself" (Jas. 2:15-17).

Ultimately, a relationship with God that doesn't encompass our entire heart, soul, and mind--a relationship that doesn't extend a helping hand to those in need--is not the kind of relationship God wants with us.  If we can go through the motions and submit a completed checklist to the Lord at the end of each month but our hearts and daily actions remain unchanged, then we have a problem.

No, there is nothing inherently wrong with scheduling time for prayer, Bible study, or various ministry activities.  In all honesty, if I didn't include those items in my busy schedule, I would forget about them. 

Yet, in the scheduling of our time with God, we must be careful that we're not acting out of mere routine while leaving our heart and soul out of the equation.  Loving the Lord must be more than a mere going through the motions.  It must encompass our everything and reach beyond ourselves.

True Freedom Is More Than Stars & Stripes

 

In unison, we stretch right arms across our chests, lay palms flat over beating hearts.  The meek and bold alike lift their voices to recite the pledge, to sing the familiar tunes to patriotic anthems. To celebrate America's birthday is a time-honored tradition.  It is a time to remember a history fraught with difficulty, a time to give thanks for this freedom that is ours.

Freedom.

We who live in America believe we are free.  We point to our Constitution and recite our freedoms--of religion, of speech, of the press, of assembly.  Then, we point at other countries in disapproval, shake our corporate head at the others governments' restrictions that violate basic human freedoms.

And yet, I would argue that most Americans are not free. 

We merely live under the delusion that physical freedom is true freedom.  Instead, true freedom defies physical location; it is an internal freedom of the spirit that can be experienced even in the most oppressive country in the world.

John records Jesus speaking to a crowd of Jews "who had believed him," saying, "'If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.' They answered Him, “'We are Abraham’s descendants and have never yet been enslaved to anyone; how is it that You say, ‘You will become free’?'" (Jn. 8:32-33).

Jesus has just revealed the secret of true freedom--continuing to abide in the Word, continuing in Christ, Himself, by not turning their backs on him, but continuing to be His true disciple.  And yet, the pride within his listeners at the thought of a freedom not yet grasped bubbled over into angry words. 

"Who is this man who implies we are slaves!?  WE are free men! Free! WE are Abraham's descendants.  Of all the peoples on earth, WE are the equivalent of royalty. Slaves--ha!."

What a lie.  Abraham's descendants had been in bondage several generations in Egypt.  Then came the seventy years of being held captive by Babylon.  In fact, even as these men spoke, Israel was in national bondage as a tributary to Rome.

As Matthew Henry says of this passage, "It is common for a sinking decaying family to boast of the glory and dignity of its ancestors, and to borrow honour from that name to which they repay disgrace."   Wow.

As men who were spiritually bankrupt, all they had were memories of yesterday's glory.  So, they argued the physical impossibility of slavery in an attempt to imply that since they were not physically slaves, they couldn't possibly be slaves in the spiritual sense.

Christ, though, didn't allow Himself to become bogged down in this tangent.  He didn't give them a history lesson but, rather, skipped right over this lie to focus again on His point--true, spiritual freedom.  

Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son does remain forever. So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed" (Jn. 8:35-36). 

Jesus made it clear that one is enslaved to sin unless He remains in service to the Son of God forever.  A person either continually abides in the Word of God, in Christ's footsteps, OR a person continually abides in slavery to sin. 

It's an either / or situation.  True freedom can only be achieved by continuing in Christ.

This is so important for our nation because much as these Jews argued with Jesus that they were free because of a great Godly lineage, I fear America is doing much the same.

Too many Americans claim the label Christian but not continuing obedience to the Word of God.

Too many claim a childhood memory of walking down an aisle but not continuing fruit of salvation demonstrated in their lives.

Too many claim the blessings of God in Scripture but ignore those passages about His judgment.

Too many claim membership in a particular religion but not the continuing practice thereof.

Too many claim a spiritual experience but not the Holy Spirit's indwelling daily direction.
 
True freedom isn't in what we claim with our lips or in what we once were or in what our parents were.  Freedom is of the spirit; it is internal, individual, and eternal.

One who genuinely is made free through salvation in Christ will be "free indeed" and will "remain forever" in the Son.

While we have inherited a good many freedoms from America's forefathers, there are only so many things we can borrow from our ancestors.  Freedom in our souls isn't one of them.

True freedom requires more than just a Constitution and a blue-spangled flag with red and white stripes. It requires being individually covered by the blood of Christ and continuing daily in His footsteps as His disciple.